Music was strumming loud at my ears
I looked up, i saw lights flashing right into my eyes
Took a sip
Dwell in my silent tots
People Dancing
People Drinking
People Lauging
People intimating

Dear Diary,

How long has it been?
Why did you just realised it?
when it has began to surface,
Where does all the fears comes from?

Situation that calls in,
You realised your limitations
As much as you want help
As much as you want to change
As much as you want to
But WHY
You CRIED and you STRUGGLED

How many times have you tried?
How many times have you failed?
How many times you tried running away?
and still you came back.
Since when did uncertainity came in?
Since when all the fears came in?

When She said BIAZRT need you
You hestitated
Your stubborness began to subside
That night, When she asked ' do you trust God'
why did you hestitated?
I thought you have decided?

Whats wrong with you?
Wheres the spirit of perservance?
Wheres the courage?
Wheres the faith?
Wheres did the inner emptyness started to develop?
Wheres the promise you made when he rise you up as CL
I thought you said you will
How could you walk out when they need you most?
Why did you chose to disobey?

People asked, people questioned You
You started to doubt yourself
Doubt your capatility
Doubt your your character
Doubt every single things about YOUSELF!
As just as you realised, you have indeed fallen
you failed. amanda.

Satan shouting for JOY! He said 'BIG TIME LOSER'.
How hurt can it be.-

With Love,
Amanda

Dear Father,
right now right here, i just want to pray for myself.
Father of healer, heal my emotions struggles.
you hold my world, path my way straight, increase my desires. Father, you are faithful, satan can never take away the faith i had in you. You multiply the fishes and loaves to feed the 5,000 because JESUS trust in you. Paul rejoices in his suffering even till the very end, likewise GOD blessed me with a joyful spirit. HOLY spirit convicts me!, father, you know what i am going through, hold me tight, embrace me..give me peace..i want to pray for people who are far away from GOD, may the holy spirit touch them right now right here..may the holy spirit convicts them..god.....

amen.....