im totally irritated by the "FRIENDSHIP" in my life! Im totally upset abt the WHOLE THING and I HATE IT. I HATE IT. I HATE it when they say to me "frez are more imp right?" AND making me feel that I AM THE ONE WHO DONT EVEN GIVE A DAMM ABOUT THEM!. LIKE what XAVIER told me "we feel that u are drifted off, and we feel uncomfortable u noe?" THE BOTTOM LINE: "they just wanna me to JOIN them and catch UP more with them MORE" MY HEART ACHE when XAVIER mentioned about the past "GLORY", When andrew ask me for the CHALET and HE wanna an immdiate ans..I JUST COULD'nt AGREE! and when i simply say NO, HE CANCELED THE WHOLE THING! i saw that email-and see that how much the rest of them WANTED to GO.

PEOPLE PEOPLE PEOPLE!GOD loves to test me WITH THAT! ESP RELATIONSHIP WITH PEOPLE.
SHARKS

LAST TIME; When GOD wanted me to chose btw HIM OR BGR, I CHOOSE TO DISOBEY and simply falls away from GOD, i tot i could DO it w/o GOD, i tot i could be the one who drives at the front seats and till that day, GOD SHOW me the way once again. :D

NOW; GOD want me to chose btw HIM or friends. Have i not made my decision? Since that day i decided to come for CG instead of joining them for dinner, i guess thats my ANS.

Perhaps the reasons i say 'no' is because of commitment and setting a good eg. i could imagine not turning up for cg/svc because "i went chalet with friends" and i could imagine people telling me the same thing for not turning up for cg/svc.

i HAVE FOUND mY ROOT ISSUE TO 'insecurity" THe root issue is just simply; im too concern of how well i perform instead of upholding it all to GOD'- yea, this is what karen told me! i think thats it. Trying to lead well; trying to do it well..trying trying..WHY AM i TRYING IT SO HARD When GOD is with me? WHY AM I RELYING SO MUCH ON MYSELF WHEN I KNOW I CAN JUST RELY ON GOD? :D :D